


Project 'Flea'

by ALPHAwolf



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, M/M, Smut, attempted humor, baby care project
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2018-08-08 07:42:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7749103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALPHAwolf/pseuds/ALPHAwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The baby project, where students are required to take a robotic baby home and care for it in order to learn necessary parenting skills, becomes even more complex when Shizuo also has to deal with the Louse too.</p><p>(edited and separated into chapters)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nomi-chan

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this while the people at my school had to do their baby projects. Enjoy! Usual disclaimers apply :)

"Orihara-kun and Heiwajima-kun, you will work together on this project." At the teacher’s announcement both boys froze and the class fell silent. "Remember this is worth twenty-five percent of your overall mark! Come and collect your babies!"

Izaya and Shizuo turned to one another from across the class, Shizuo's eye already twitching.

"No way am I working with the Flea!!" He was already up and ready to grab the desk beside him, intending to fling it towards his evil classmate.

"Heiwajima-kun! There will be no arguments or destruction of school property in my class!" Shizuo death stared Izaya as he attempted to follow the teachers command, while the other seemed to lose interest in him and walked to the front of the class to collect a robotic plastic child.

The classroom had been shown only moments before how the babies worked and told to pick partners for the parenting project. Some couples had paired up, girls usually going with their friends leaving most boys to stand awkwardly and be partnered with other boys. Shizuo had sat uncaring who he was partnered with, and God knows why Izaya had turned down all the girls and boys who had asked to be his partner. It must have been a plan, Shizuo decided. Izaya was going to make his life hell somehow using the mechanical doll.

Shizuo grumbled and seethed, avoiding looking at his enemy as he walked over with a baby clothed in blue in his arms and a small black bag over his shoulder. At least he had had the decency to choose a boy. It would be weird having a girl.

Izaya seemed unfazed by the turn of events as he sat on the opposite side of the desk using a nearby chair. All around the class partners chatted, girls and couples already loving the dolls while boy partners sat awkwardly.

"Before you leave the class I want to hear your baby's names!" The teacher announced over the ruckus.

Izaya held the toy child close and looked at Shizuo disapprovingly as he avoided him completely.

"Shizu-chan you can't ignore me forever. We have a project to do! And I am not losing marks because of you, so hurry up and help me choose a name."

"Why should I, Flea?" Shizuo spoke through clenched teeth, still looking away. It was almost impossible resisting the urge to throw the boy across from him straight out the window, especially when he used that horrible pet name 'Shizu-chan'.

"It a proven fact fathers who have no say in naming their child feel detached and often have issues with their spouse." Izaya spoke factually, opening the black bag he had been given by the teacher to inspect its contents as he held the mechanical doll.

Shizuo's eye twitched again and he growled.

"You are not my 'spouse'!" Not that he actually knew what the word meant.

"Louse, spouse, since when does a primate like you know the difference?" Shizuo took a deep breath like his mother had taught him and tried to ignore the other.

"So I suspect I will be keeping the baby for most of the week, in all honesty I don't trust you alone with it so don't expect me to let you take it home."

He emptied the bag on the table as Shizuo clenched the side, succeeding in breaking off a portion of the desks top. Izaya didn't even blink.

"I'm guessing you didn't really pay attention in class so I don't expect much from a protozoan like you, but at least help, ne?" Shizuo growled under his breath in reply. "So, back to naming?"

The louse was planning something, he knew it, he could tell by the grin he could sense Izaya was suppressing, his lips curling ever so slightly every now and then.

"Call it mini flea for all I care." Izaya almost seemed upset by the response, before he looked at the animatronic baby who gave a recorded laugh. Izaya sighed.

"Fine, Nomi Heiwajima, ne?" Shizuo held back his surprise that the flea had agreed to call their project 'Flea'.

"Sounds girly."

"Well you suggested it, Neanderthal." Shizuo growled, what the hell was a neandatrall anyway!?

"Well aren't you going to choose part of the name then too, louse?!"

"I have." Shizuo had to stop and think, running the baby's name over in his mind as a chorus of crying child robots filled the background. Nomi= flea, Heiwajima= his name...

"No you haven't dumbass!" Izaya shot him a glare suddenly.

"Don't swear. Your being recorded you know. I did choose part of the name. You chose 'Nomi', I chose..." He waited expectantly for Shizuo's tiny brain to comprehend.

"But... Heiwajima’s my name?" He said, confused and still rather pissed off Izaya was treating him like a child.

"I know it's your name, but you’re the father are you not? I could choose to give the doll my last name but in my family it is traditional for the man’s name to be passed on." Shizuo had the most confused look on his face.

"But, you’re a guy too." It was almost a question. Izaya was a guy right? He hadn't been trying to beat a girl up all these years right? His mother would kill him.

"Yes, but you are in the hypothetical position of the traditional father." Shizuo almost sighed in relief. At the very least Izaya was accepting he was more manly and in charge of him. "You sit there, let me do most of the work and do as I say. That's what husbands do. Also, remember the wife in a relationship is always right." Shizuo was lost at 'husband'.

Izaya repacked the little black bag and stood.

"I'll drop the doll off at your place tomorrow night so I have the weekend with it for your sake." He had that horrid grin that made Shizuo want to smash his face into the wall. Izaya leaned in over the table, his eyes softening sexily as his voice lowered. "Till then try and live without seeing my amazing body, ne? I can already see how impatient you’re getting thinking about me leaving~" The table was lifted right up and hurled in Izaya's direction, the lean boy easily moving out the way, holding his bags and the doll with an evil smile as his crimson eyes gleamed wickedly.

The bell went and Izaya darted out of the now chaotic classroom, Shizuo roaring like a beast and running after him, a dog after a cat.

"IZZAAAYYAAAAA-KUUN!!!!!!!!"

The blackette laughed like a madman and easily escaped, leaving a seething Shizuo standing outside the school, looking ready to kill.

  
  


§

  
  


True to his word, the night after Izaya came to the door of the Heiwajima household. He scoffed at the small, rather average looking two story home, so drab compared to the condo his parents had put him and his sisters in, though probably around the same size all up.

He knocked on the door, hearing voices on the inside and waiting. Too long. Almost a minute these humans were making him wait out in the cold! He became highly impatient, almost glaring at the door. Izaya quickly smiled before his dark look could be noticed by the person on the other side. A middle aged brunette woman answered the door, Shizuo's mother he presumed as she smiled sweetly at him.

"Hello dear, can I help you?"

"Good afternoon Heiwajima-san, I am a friend of your son Shizu-chan, we're doing the school child care project together and I need to show him how to care for the doll, may I?" The woman fell right in to his syrupy friend act, grinning and opening the door.

"Please come in! Shizuo's in his room upstairs! It's the room without a door up. I can't believe he didn't tell us he had such a cute friend!" She seemed overjoyed. Izaya smiled and laughed, removing his shoes by the door.

The mother pointed over to the stairs happily and Izaya went over after thanking her kindly. He was such a great actor, he deserved a Burūribon for his acting capabilities.

Shizuo's room was easy to find. A shower curtain covered the entrance instead of a door. Most likely the brute had broken it in a fit of uncontrollable anger. Izaya smiled cunningly. This project was just the thing to drive Shizuo nuts. Of course he had no trouble with the doll. He originally planned to have the sensors reprogrammed, but was so good with children and mechanics he had no need. Besides, if worst came to worst his little sisters loves baby's and dolls, he'd just wipe the things memory for fear of permanently scarring its sensors and failing the class. Shizuo, on the other hand, would go through hell. He had made a few tweaks heightening it's sensitivity just to make sure.

Izaya peeked through the dark blue curtain into the, unsurprisingly, pigsty of a room. clothes lay on the ground, broken furniture standing and many broken patches in the walls. Shizuo himself lay on his bed, headphones in his ears with his eyes shut. Izaya grinned evilly and stepped in, placing the baby doll on a clear, flat surface of furniture by the door.

Shizuo’s nose twitched as he caught scent of the flea a second too late.

"SHIZUU-CHAAN~!" Izaya jumped on the other, turning the bed to a mess of tangled limbs as Shizuo tried to throw him off.

"IIZAAYAAAA-!!!!"

" _WAAAH! WAAH!_ " The toy doll screamed and moved its little robotic limbs in detest from the loud sounds, shocking the blond.

… Why the fuck was there a baby in his room? And why the fuck was Izaya laying on top of him like a lazy cat.

"You better get that, it's your turn~" Izaya said smiling down at Shizuo, their noses almost touching. It took him a moment to recall their little project before he growled and threw Izaya off. The damn flea only landed nimbly on his feet without trouble, despite the the messy floor. Shizuo ripped his earphones out and threw them with his mp3 in a random direction as he got up, storming over to stand beside the doll. For a moment he just stood there, staring at the weird doll in a completely clueless fashion. Izaya giggled and grinned like a demon at the sight.

"You pick it up monster, and don't eat it." A bedside table was thrown straight at him, though he dodged it easily and it turned to splinters against the wall.

Shizuo attempted to pick up the screaming doll awkwardly whilst yelling at the intruder.

"What the hell are you doing here anyway Flea! Get out and never come back! This is my territory!" Shizuo's usual intimidating stance became far less effective as he held the screaming baby clumsily in his arms. Izaya sighed and walked closer, ignoring Shizuo's endless string of threats.

"So possessive Shizu-chan~! But you don't know how to care for it."

"Do too!!" Izaya rose an eyebrow.

"Shizu-chan, you can't even hold it properly." He took hold of the baby in Shizuo's arms and repositioned it, showing the blond the correct way to hold it, their arms entangled till Izaya took a small step back.

"There." Shizuo only growled.

"Now leave flea."

"Shall I? But do you know how to bathe it? Or feed and burp it? Then change the diaper and put it to sleep? How to cope with it screaming throughout the night and calm it, to-"

"Okay okay!!" Shizuo's head was spinning, how could something so small need so much?! On top of that it was still screaming! "How do you get it to shut up!?" Izaya smiled and leaned in closer, again intertwining their arms as he helped Shizuo to softly rock and calm the baby. In no time the robot was silent, and Shizuo sighed in relief. Izaya smiled up at him in an I-told-you-so manner, still rather close. They stayed like that for a while, the seconds ticking awkwardly by. Shizuo, more than uncomfortable, glared at the smaller adolescent who seemed completely unfazed, and growled.

"Get. Off." Izaya seemed to wake up from hearing Shizuo, but only smiled.

"I'm not on you Shizu-chan~" Izaya whispered sexily, instead moving a little closer. Shizuo's cheeks felt warm and the other started to break into a fit of giggles as he noticed the blush, moving away and collapsing on the bed in laughter. Shizuo groaned at the annoying and insane sound as it filled his room. Damned louse was going the make the baby cry again, or where it's recorders already accustomed to the horrible sound? Could the doll already tell the sound of its mentally unsettled mother? Probably.

Izaya smiled giddily as he calmed down and sat up. He brought out the little black bag the baby had come with as he sat on the messy bed and laid out the contents.

"Here are the supplies." There was a bottle, a spare diaper, and a blanket.

"Wasn't there a dummy in the pack?"

"Pacifiers are highly discouraged as they affect a child's ability to talk. By offering the pacifier they seek for us to fall into a trap and lessen our grade. Therefore I left it at my home in order to discourage you from using it." Izaya replied confidently.

Shizuo groaned. Babies were so much of a hassle. Even a fake one.

"If it cries it's either hungry," Izaya held the bottle, "or needs a nappy change," he held the diaper up, "or tired in which case you just rock it to sleep." Shizuo continued rocking the baby as he concentrated on the supplies and Izaya's instructions. "After it's had enough to drink it will make a giggling sound and you need to burp it." Shizuo nodded, still looking clueless.

"How?"

"It'll want a feed in an hour, I'll show you then."

"An hour? You can't stay here that long!"

"But Shizu-chan! How could you throw me out when we have this child together and I've been caring for it! I stayed up half the night rocking it!" Izaya put on his best pouty face, with big innocent pleading eyes. Truthfully he had been up half the night rocking the baby while social-networking, as usual, but Shizuo didn't need to know that.

Shizuo's eye twitched.

"Stop making it sound like you’re my wife, louse!" Izaya turned his head away, ignoring Shizuo snobbishly as a married woman would a husband she was upset with. Shizuo growled and the baby made an almost snore like sound.

"Ah, it's fallen asleep. Good. Don't talk loudly or it'll wake up." Izaya said softly, getting up and looking around Shizuo's room.

"If it's asleep you can leave."

"It'll wake up when it's hungry, idiot."

"Get out of my drawer!" Shizuo whispered harshly. Izaya rolled his eyes as he put the blanket down in the practically empty drawer.

"You can use the dresser as a cradle. If you put it on that tiny bed with you you'll squash and kill it." Shizuo growled and walked over, placing the doll gently in the makeshift cradle. When it didn't fuss or complain they both stepped back, letting out breaths they didn't know they held. Izaya smiled cheekily at Shizuo and skipped over to the bed, plopping down on the dishevelled covers and sighing. He slipped off his black jacket, leaving him in a tight scarlet t-shirt and black skinny jeans.

"Shiizuu-chaaan~"

"Call me that one more time and I'll break your neck." Izaya only giggled.

"So violent," the teen laid down, facing Shizuo on his side, "now we're taking care of Nomi-chan we can't play chaise or dodge~" Shizuo's eye twitched. Of course the damned flea saw it as a game torturing him! "and I really shouldn't hint gangs on your power, lest you be caring for the baby when they challenge you~" Another twitch, "Sooooo, Shizu-chan will just have to find some other way to satisfy me~" Izaya said sexily as he looked over to the other, his eyelids low.

That was it.

Shizuo pounced, going to strangle him violently and finally break the bastards neck when Izaya covered the blonde’s mouth and giggled, slipping out of his reach.

"Don't wake the baby~" He winked, his finger over his lips as he sat on his knees with his legs open. Yet another eye spasm before he lunged for Izaya.

"A-Ahh~! Sh-Shizu-chan!"

"Oh my!" Shizuo stopped dead. His mother and younger brother stood in the doorway, the woman covering her mouth with her hand.

Izaya had a hot blush across his cheeks and had somehow gotten on his back, Shizuo between his legs as he pinned his wrists to the mattress.

That. Damned. Flea. Fghksiwwfvgjdsyu!!!!

"H-Heiwajima-san! W-we were- u-um-!" Izaya pushed Shizuo off, somehow making himself go redder as he looked away.

"I knew you were friends, but I didn't know you were so close, Shizuo." His mother commented, blushing softly at having caught them in such a compromising position. "I'll make sure you get a new door to put up!" Why was she so happy about this!? He was going to kill Izaya, but first he needed to clear this up.

"No!! We were just-!"

"Wrestling!" Izaya interrupted, before shrugged innocently at Shizuo when he gave him a dirty glare.

Shizuo's mother laughed.

"Of course of course! Please come down for dinner, will you be staying the night deary?" Shizuo could just see the evil plan forming in Izaya's mind. No way he could argue with his mother though.

"Really? That would be great!" Izaya said excitedly, before blushing cutely and looking away again, "I-I mean, I was worried about Shizuo being left with the baby all on his own."

"Of course! I'll have you father put up spare door for you tonight Shizuo, you can clean up your room first though!" She seemed extremely supportive about this imaginary relationship Izaya had created. Shizuo fought not to growl. All this was probably Izaya's plan, to convince his family that he was gay. Thankfully his parents were more supportive and accepting than the Flea had probably anticipated, so he'd just have to live with the humiliation, damn Izaya.

Shizuo's mother turned and left, Kasuka staring at Izaya a moment.

"You're evil." The small child deadpanned. before turning and following his mother. Izaya seemed surprised.

"Wow, your brothers a pretty good judge of character." He commented quietly, smiling and getting up. Shizuo nodded in agreement and followed Izaya to the lounge, where they gathered around a small table.

Shizuo's father was already seated, and Izaya decided to sit right next to Shizuo, who was actually too busy worrying about leaving 'Nomi-chan' alone in his room to notice.

"Good afternoon, I'm Izaya Orihara, Shizuo's friend." He added the last part a little quiet and hesitant. The father nodded unfazed. He reminded Izaya so much of Shizuo and Kasuka.

"Iza-chan's staying the night in Shizuo's room! You don't mind if I call you Iza-chan do you dear?"

"Not at all, I get called that by other people too."

"What does Shizuo call you?" The woman mother asked curiously.

"Flea. Louse." Shizuo replied indifferently. His mother seemed to be at war at whether this was an insult or cute pet name a moment.

"Shizu-chan, so mean." Izaya said, pouting. The Heiwajima mother chuckled at this and began to serve the food.

Everyone bowed and 'itadakimas'ed before eating. Heiwajima-san was a good cook, though her food was nothing compared to the taste of his darling otoro! The men of the Heiwajima family didn't really talk, but the mother balanced them out well.

"So Iza-chan, after dinner you should call your family and tell them you’re staying over tonight."

"It's fine, my sisters are out tonight and my parents are away on business."

"Awww, you’re on your own? Good thing Shizuo invited you over!" Invited? Sleep over? When did this happen?

Izaya seemed to become bored, or at least it seemed like that to Shizuo who felt a slim hand being placed on his thigh. Izaya only gave him a side-wards glance, smiling deviantly. The look vanished before anyone else could see.

While Izaya and his mother continued with their conversation about school and other drear topics Izaya's hand made its way to Shizuo's crotch. Shizuo froze as his hand began to move gently on his clothed member, caressing his privates. Shizuo growled and grabbed Izaya's hand, keeping a hold of it to avoid any further attacks.

"So what did you call the baby?"

"Baby?" Shizuo's father looked almost panicked. _Almost_.

"Their doing the parental care assignment together, the one where you take care of a toy baby." The man nodded and returned to his food, any signs of emotion gone.

"N-Nomi-chan Heiwajima." Izaya said with a soft blush. It really was quite impressive how he could blush on demand like that.

"'Flea' Heiwajima?" His mother repeated, surprised when Izaya nodded.

"Shizuo came up with 'Nomi' and I decided on Heiwajima." He explained quietly.

Mrs Heiwajima covered her mouth, seeming to overload from Izaya's sweetness. Shizuo was lost beyond comprehension. Why was the damned Flea acting so much like a cute little animal, cautious and sweet? He'd never behaved even remotely like this before. Hell, it was the complete opposite of his real personality!

"School tomorrow." Shizuo's father reminded.

"Ah yes, Shizuo give Iza-chan a shirt or something clean to sleep in, I'll wash your uniform for tomorrow. Shizuo, remember to clean your room, Izaya can wash while you do."

Shizuo was going the burn the Flea one day, or throw something so heavy at him it squished him like the annoying bug he was.

Dinner finished and both parents rose to leave the room, catching a glimps of Shizuo's grip on Izaya's wrist. Unfortunately for the bleached blond it ,merely looked as though they were a couple secretly holding hands under the table.

As soon as Shizuo noticed what his parents were staring at he let go of the other's wrist and moved away as if the flea would give him a disease. Izaya blushed and put his hands in his lap cutely.

The sound of a baby crying could be heard in the distance and Izaya shot up like a meerkat, sprinting away automatically. Shizuo followed after seconds later after processing what was happening.

By the time Shizuo got there the baby was already quietly drinking its bottle in Izaya's arms. In the dark Izaya's silhouette swayed as he hummed quietly, calming the sensitive recorder. He really could be easily mistaken for a girl in the dark, Shizuo noticed, whith such subtle hips, a thin waist, legs any girl would die for, a slim neck, and slant shoulders. He really was good looking, for a girl. Not that he'd say that, it'd give the Flea an even bigger head being called good looking by his arch enemy.

Izaya noticed Shizuo's presence and looked behind him, gesturing for the other to come over. The bblond frowned but came over anyway. Izaya handed him the doll and helped him get a hold of the bottle.

"What can I sleep in?" Izaya asked as he stepped back.

"A dumpster. S' where you belong." The teen pouted and went over to the set of drawers, opening each to find spare clothes. He smiled as he came across a seemingly clean flannel button up. He smelt the material to check, but it only held Shizuo's scent.

"Don't smell my clothes you fucking weirdo!"

"I'm making sure it's clean Shizu-chan." Facing away from the other Izaya lifted his arms and pulled off his tight shirt.

"What the fuck are you-!"

"Changing, why?" Izaya put the shirt on, leaving it unbuttoned, and pulled his pants down. He was left in only his red boxers and Shizuo's open shirt.

When he turned Shizuo's mouth gaped open.

"Put some pants on you damn louse!"

"Stop being such a prude, were both guys." Except Izaya had had his hand on his dick only how long ago? Could this not be seen as sexual assault!?

There was a little giggle sound from the baby and Shizuo pulled the bottle away. Izaya took the pretend baby and held it upright, patting it's back softly.

"Make sure you pat really gently or the sensors will think you’re hitting it." Shizuo nodded and Izaya passed him the baby to burp. Izaya smiled softly, probably not genuine, but at least Shizuo now felt like he was doing it right.

"I'm going to go shower. When it burps just rock it back to sleep. If it cries it probably needs a nappy change." Shizuo nodded. How they had gotten from being at each other’s throat to sharing a room and a baby Shizuo would never know. On the up side this could be the first ever assignment he actually passed, and on top of that the flea was being less of an evil fiend and more of a tease. He could deal with that till the project was over.

  
  


§

  
  


Baby now burped and asleep in the makeshift 'cradle', Shizuo finished cleaning his room to the best of his capability, lest his mother be disappointed. His father had come and put his door up quietly, doing what needed to be done with only a nod before leaving with the shower curtain.

The floor was visible, all dirty clothes in the now overflowing wash basket, and he had quickly re-done his bed. He was about to go get a spare futon for the leeching flea when said bastard returned, hair shiny and wet like the water that dripped down his exposed skin. Shizuo growled, though Izaya took no notice. At least he was dressed to some capacity he supposed, just not dry.

After shutting the door, the only light in the room from the moon outside, Izaya went to sit on Shizuo's bed, but was grabbed before he could.

"No way flea, your wet." Izaya grinned, and was about to comment dirtily when Shizuo grabbed the towel on his shoulders and started to rub his head violently.

By the time he was done Izaya sat on the bed dizzy, the towel thrown over his face.

The noirette waited for the room to still , flattening his hair back out. Shizuo was about to leave for a futon again when Izaya whispered after him like a curious child.

"Where are you going?" He was already laying on his stomach on the bed, his feet in the air as he looked over to Shizuo. He didn't look too menacing like that at least. It was a nice change.

"Futon."

"Don't bother, I'll sleep up here."

"What?" Izaya groaned at Shizuo's lack of cooperation.

"Oh come on, I don't take up that much room, besides your parents think we are anyway."

"Only 'cause you've tricked them into thinking you’re my boyfriend or some shit."

"So? They seem overjoyed." Why did the flea have to be right? "Besides, you may not be my boyfriend, but you know you're obsessed with me~" Izaya said with his trademark sexy, mildly unhinged mischievous smile.

"Excuse me?" Now he was ready to blow a fuse. "I hate you, I hate you so much I want to kill you and you think I'm obsessed with you?!" Shizuo hissed to keep his voice low.

"You think of killing, hurting, maiming, and destroying me how much Shizu-chan?" Shizuo stalked closer to the bed, towering over Izaya who lay on it, now rolled on his back.

"Every second of every day! I even dream of ending you damn flea!" Izaya smirked.

"By definition Shizu-chan, obsession is a fixation, a compulsion, not necessarily love. It can be hate too~ You are obsessed with me, you don't stop thinking about me, even when you unconscious." Izaya leaned up closer to Shizuo's face. "You’re sick." He held Shizuo's face, drowning him in his words as he lowered them both down slowly, "But I don't mind~ I'm obsessed with you too." Their lips were so close, Izaya's soft wet mouth so alluring, "I don't care what you think of me, as long as it's me you think about." Almost there-

Izaya pulled away and laid back down, leaving Shizuo stunned.

"Hurry up and get in bed, m' tired." Shizuo couldn't even- like- what the hell just fucking happened?!

Izaya sat up with a groan and snapped Shizuo out his stupor by waving a hand in front of his face.

"Earth to protozoa." Shizuo growled but stripped to his boxers before getting into bed behind Izaya. That he hadn't expected. He hadn't even been given time to watch! It was like one second clothes, next second, no clothes! After a moment of shock Izaya shrugged to himself and got under the covers with a yawn. Shizuo was already taking no notice of him, laying on his back with his arm over his head. The Flea slept more huddled close to himself.

A cry was heard from the 'cradle', disturbing the fleeting silence between the two. Izaya groaned.

"Not again."

"I got it." Shizuo got up, surprising the other, and went to the baby's aid. Izaya stared in shock a moment, thankfully unnoticed. Then he got to stare in astonishment at Shizuo's amazing body. And he thought that _he_ was a sex god. Looking at Shizuo he came to the understanding he was more of an uke sex god in comparison. Shizuo meanwhile had a masculine arms, firm pectorals, a six pack, strong legs, but not so much muscle it was creepy like on a body builder. Izaya caught himself staring and blushed, a real, unforced heat in his cheeks. The baby wailed in the background.

"Um, how do we get it to stop?"

"Try changing the nappy." Shizuo nodded and did the task surprisingly well, for a beginner. The baby hushed immediately, but as soon as Shizuo tried to put it down it began to wail again. Izaya groaned.

"Sorry, that's my fault. The sensors are used to someone being closer when it sleeps at night 'cause I put the baby on my bed when I sleep."

"Aren't you not supposed to do that?"

"I have a king-sized bed and I take up less than a quarter of it, it's unlikely I'll roll on it or it roll off."

"Why do you have such a big bed?"

"My sisters usually sneak in when I'm 'asleep' and leave before I 'wake-up'." Shizuo nodded in understanding and tried to put the baby down again, moving back over to the bed slowly.

Once they were both successfully back in bed as before Izaya sighed relaxed before yawning.

"Thanks."

"My kid too." Izaya couldn't help smile and suppress a giggle at such a response. It really was easy to get sucked in to believing the doll was alive. He wouldn't be surprised if poor Shizu-chan refused to give the baby up.

Izaya burrowed under the covers up to his shoulders and moved closer to Shizuo's warmth, making the other jolt when he leaning into his side, expecting some sort of sexual assault. None came, and honestly it was driving him insane.

The skin on Izaya's chest and stomach was pressed up against his bare side, the Flea's fingers just gracing his clothed hip. The blond really wasn't able to control himself when the other was doing nothing but _sitting there_ _pressing their skin together_ so innocently. Fuck, why was it so hot in here now? This was a pile of crap. Bloody flea. Bloody sexy flea. Bloody cute 'Iza-chan'. Bloody damn hot louse!

Izaya squeaked suddenly as he found himself under Shizuo, the other's lips suddenly smashing against his own. It was messy, violent, but God it made his heart race. Izaya gasped for air before their mouths re-connected again. It was so hot, so unbelievably hot. His hands grabbed Shizuo's neck when he tried to pull away again, attempting to pull him back down but instead getting pulled up into Shizuo's lap. He immediately kissed the blond again while Shizuo's arms wrapped around him.

Izaya panted for air as Shizuo kissed his jaw, then his neck, down to his chest. God it felt so good!

The noirette pulled Shizuo's lips back up to his and they continued to make out feverishly. Who cared if tomorrow never came, he wanted to die like this, suffocated by Shizuo's lips. The blonde's mouth opened and he plunged his tongue inside, both finding each other and dancing inside their mouths. It was a pleasurable mess, the two doing whatever they wanted even if they didn't quite know what to do, well, Shizuo didn't anyway.

When they finally stopped making out like animals Shizuo realised what he'd done and yanked himself away.

"F-fucking louse, you made me-mhh" Izaya, far too gone in lust he didn't care what the beast had to say. As if he ever did. The protozoa started it and Izaya was going to make sure he bloody well finished it!

Shizuo let himself be sucked into Izaya's grasp, their lower body's rubbing together as they tried to create friction between their two members. Shizuo pulled away, making Izaya whimper, his red eyes glazed over in want. In an instant his red jocks were torn from his skin, leaving him in only Shizuo's open shirt. Shizuo's boxers were also thrown away in the lusty haze. Izaya moaned at their bare body's touched, gasping as he felt Shizuo's member against his. Shizuo groaned a moan and rubbed against the smaller boy. He had the softest ivory skin, and his moans were amazing.

"S-Shizuo! ha-ahh!" Shizuo growled like an animal, licking from Izaya's chest to his v. Izaya withered and moaned, clutching Shizuo's hair for support. Shizuo bit and sucked down on his skin, instinctively making marks all over the blackette's pale skin.

"Ahhh! Shizuo! M-more-Shizuo- Fuck me-ha!"

"How?" Shizuo asked slightly breathless, sounding genuinely confused, and a lot more unaffected then Izaya demanded. Izaya growled, sounding as animalistic as Shizuo, and pushing him down on the bed. He quickly rubbed his ass with his own pre-cum and spread Shizuo's around his member. It wasn't that big (his dildo back at home was a good few inches bigger) but without lube if he could walk tomorrow it would be a miracle.

Sex hungry as a deprived addict Izaya wasted no time in impaling himself on Shizuo's member. He covered his mouth and bit his tongue as he cried out, the sound muffled by his hand. Shizuo groaned pleasurably and pulled Izaya close. The louse was hissing in pain, yet he still moaned and moved his ass on Shizuo, begging him deeper like a whore.

The brunette had one hand on his chest to keep himself up as he ground his ass down on the blond. Shizuo kissed Izaya's other hand, kissing the tips, fingers, palm, wrist, and inside of his elbow.

Izaya's eyes brimmed with tears from the pain of being so full. He had definitely underestimated the other's size in his haste, yet all he could do was moan and wish his voice would let him beg for more. Shizuo was all the way in, his cock throbbing inside him and flexed towards his prostate. The teen gasped at how... real it felt. He had become so used to plastic he hadn't actually considered flesh would feel any different, but holy fuck it did.

Shizuo rolled them over, topping Izaya again and slowly rolling his hips against the others soft ass. Izaya whimpered and moaned, trying to move harder.

"S-Shizuo! F-fuck me! Ha-Hard!-Haa-! Ple-se-More!" Shizuo couldn't help it. He rammed into Izaya violently, making him scream. He covered the other's mouth over as he pulled out and slammed straight back in. Izaya panted raggedly, laying flat on his back practically limp as he moaned, saliva dripping from his mouth. He looked so hot, half dead from the way Shizuo fucked him like a rag doll. He could barely move, held down by the other's powerful strength as his prostate was rubbed over by Shizuo's thick cock again and again. He couldn't even beg for more, left silently craving for Shizuo to fuck him like this till he broke. Not even watching the beast fight gangs brought him this much delight, the monsters displays of strength always turning him on.

The brute's hands would leave bruise marks as he held his hips up and pulled them close, slamming in over and over. The smaller felt as though his bones were ready to shatter.

"M-mooe---" Shizuo understood and went harder.

Izaya saw white, then black. Blinding pleasure, and a delicious tingling feeling. It was all so good. He couldn't hear or see, but who cared when you felt like this? It stung from how hard he came. So warm inside him. So full.

"Izaya! Izaya!" Shizuo hovered over him, his voice finally unfogging. He looked worried. "Fuck are you okay? You looked dead! Izaya!? Izaya!" Had he passed out?

"Fuck, Shizu-chan- So good~" He was still panting, no pain felt throughout his body. Shizuo looked relieved and let his head rest beside Izaya's.

"You scared the shit outa me." Izaya moaned, his body still half dead.

"Shizuo, mmoore~" Shizuo gave him a look of horror. "fuck me~"

"Are you kidding!? Go to sleep or you might die or something!"

"Fuck me to death Shizuo~" Izaya's arms wrapped around Shizuo's neck with the little strength he had.

"No you fucking masochist, go to sleep, you got what you wanted." Shizuo detached Izaya who whimpered from him.

"Didn't plan this, would 've bought protection." His voice was slurred and tired. "Good thing I prepped m'self in the shower before or Shizu-chan would've torn me in half." Izaya tried to move closer to the other but couldn't. His body was immobile from the pleasure and harm it had just been inflicted.

Shizuo pulled Izaya near, the other smiling softly and cuddling into him. It hadn't been planned, the 'prep' he referred to was really just masturbating over Shizuo, but he certainly didn't regretted it. It took no time for Izaya to fall asleep in his arms, both covered in the produce of their 'love'-making, Shizuo's leaking out of Izaya's ass.

He'd had no idea men could have sex like that. He hadn't even known they could at all. His eyes widened as realisation dawned upon him.

Shit. What if Izaya was pregnant?!

 


	2. Baths, Babies, and Beasts

Shizuo's eyes opened groggily, adjusting slowly to the now lit room. He'd had the strangest dream, and a wet one! He groaned, about to get up and shower when he felt movement against his body.

How had he not noticed the noirette on top of him first thing? Resisting the urge to throw the maniac who lay on Shizuo like a cat, stomach against stomach, he carefully got up.

The door creaked and he turned towards it to see his mother trying to shut it quietly.

"Mum?!" His mother made a hush gestured and pointed to the drawers and the sleeping boy on top of him, who snuggled into Shizuo's neck as his voice rumbled through his chest.

"I took a photo to commemorate." His mother admitted sheepishly.

"What?! Why?!" Shizuo whispered harshly, trying not to wake the two sleepers in the room, who would no doubt cause him even more trouble.

"But sweetheart, I'm so happy you found someone. Everyone seems so afraid of you, unlike Iza-chan. Even if he is evil he's certainly brave."

"More like he thinks he's a god."

"Yes I've heard the rumours of the demon Orihara children. But we shouldn't judge. You have two hours till school. Good morning Kasuka." Kasuka yawned from the other side of the door. "Sleep well?"

"No. Next time do it at his house." Kasuka dead-panned. Shizuo went red and his mother giggled.

"Before I remember when it’s too late, does Iza-chan need an ambulance?"

"U-um, I don't know? He did almost die I think?" Shizuo's mother bit her lip, seeming worried.

"Well if he does call right away. Also, let Iza-chan borrow a uniform."

"He refuses to wear the school uniform, and stop calling him 'Iza-chan'... and why are you still there?"

"Oh, sorry, good-morning." She smiled kindly and shut the door behind her. Shizuo sighed deeply and Izaya moved closer still. How was he supposed to get out of this?

Carefully he pulled away, gently moving Izaya off him and replacing himself with his pillow. Sleeping Izaya seemed to not like the exchange, but held the pillow tightly still. A sigh of relief and Shizuo grabbed a towel his mother had left on the desk. He was a mess. His torso was covered in dried cum from the night before, and there was even a little blood on his cock, presumably from Izaya's ass. He felt sticky and too. Izaya was probably even worse, the noirette's hair a complete mess as well. The raven locks were spiked and messed, looking somewhat like a bird’s nest.

The teen looked pretty innocent when he slept, Shizuo observed, his features so much softer than usual. The blond moved closer and moved a lock of hair from Izaya's eye, looking at the smaller as though he was waiting for something. Izaya gave no response.

Shizuo stood and wrapped himself in the towel before he walked out, hurrying to the bathroom after shutting the door. His mother had already put his and Izaya's folded clothes in there.

The next moment he heard their assignment start to wail. Shizuo hurried back, really wanting a shower but also wanting to pass this year's health course, and not wake the troublesome Izaya.

When he got back to his room however Izaya was already sitting up in the bed, gently rocking the toy and hushing it. He looked more than uncomfortable and exhausted, rightly so. His bare body was covered in bites and bruises, blood and cum on his lower body and torso. His eyes were only half open and he looked ready to collapse. The worst bruises Shizuo could see were on the other's hips, where there were big painful looking purple hand marks. Shizuo could now see he'd need new sheets, the current blue ones now covered in stains.

Izaya looked like a tired, beaten wife. It kind of felt like he was one to Shizuo too. He'd already met his family and they weren't even in 'that' sort of a relationship. Oh, wait... Were they now? They'd done it, kissed, were obsessed with one another, and Izaya could very well be pregnant now. Guess they were in a relationship then, otherwise it wouldn't make sense. But if they were in a relationship Shizuo needed to be a supportive and helpful boyfriend. He could at least do that after almost killing the flea through fucking, granted Izaya had asked for it (and then some).

Shizuo came and stood beside the other, who registered his presence and tried to speak. Nothing came out though, but it Looked like he was trying to say good-morning. Shizuo took the doll from him and the other immediately went limp against his arm. Izaya muttered something and Shizuo's ears barely caught the muffled sound. The baby needed feeding soon.

"Shower first." Shizuo replied with finality. Izaya groaned and mumbled that he couldn't get up and something about Shizuo needing to take responsibility. "God flea, you’re the one that wanted it." Shizuo went and fetched the other's towel while he laid back on the bed.

"You started it." Shizuo was about to deny it when he realised he had indeed started it by jumping Izaya. The louse looked up at him with a small but victorious smile. His red eyes shimmered softly, and Shizuo wondered whether the red was a deformity or mutation caused by his insanity. They were actually quite pretty under Izaya's long black lashes.

"You have nice eyes." Shizuo said bluntly as if it were nothing, not realising he was complimenting the other. Izaya looked surprized, before his eyes fluttered as he yawned.

"Thanks." His eyes drooped shut and Shizuo dropped the towel on him, then proceeding to wrap the other in it while he remained partially limp. The blond picked him up, Izaya holding the baby as Shizuo held him, the automated offspring giggling approvingly as Shizuo walked to the bathroom.

He placed the teen down on the tile floor, only for the boy to groan in pain.

"Shizu-chan, my ass hurts." He whined.

"Your fault." He deadpanned, turning on the water before going over to shut and lock the door.

"But you didn't have to put me down on my ass, I can't exactly sit." Shizuo rolled his eyes and picked him back up, carefully, ignoring the other's smug delighted smile as he sat carefully by the bath with the lazing louse in his lap.

"Baby needs cleaning." Izaya said softly. True enough, the doll too had become dirtied through Izaya holding it.

"You wash it, I'll wash you." Izaya seemed to laugh at this and took an offered sponge, cleaning the mess from the plastic doll carefully in a tired manner. Shizuo dragged the sponge across Izaya's skin and the noirette moaned.

"Mmm, warm." Shizuo couldn't help chuckle. He was being so unguarded, as if he had complete trust in him, or just didn't care. If he weren't feeling so damn relaxed, it would have been the perfect chance to murder him.

Izaya sighed, finished cleaning the doll, and went completely limp in Shizuo's arms.

"You’re being gentle." He commented.

"Yeah, I can be gentle. You almost died yesterday, no point in trying to kill you now."

"That makes no sense."

"Shut up." Izaya smiled, his eyes still shut softly as the warm sponge ran over his abused flesh.

Shizuo murmured in Izaya's ear, too quiet for the other's tired ears to pick up.

"Hm?"

"Are you alright?" Izaya chuckled.

"Of course, it's not like you broke anything but my ass, and maybe my tailbone." Shizuo could almost laugh, but the comment was true, he had broken Izaya's ass. Shizuo went silent, feeling almost guilty. Izaya peeked an eye open and saw the other's trouble look.

"What's wrong?"

"How do you fix it?"

"I'll be healed fully in about two days, I heal quickly."

"Good."

"Good? It's a bit fast though isn't it?"

"You complaining?" Izaya grinned cheekily and put the baby doll down on the floor before sitting up on Shizuo's lap with his legs open, getting comfortable with his arms around the blonde’s neck.

"Wanna do it again~?" Shizuo frowned and deadpanned.

"No, you'll die."

"But Shizu-chaaan~!"

"No." Izaya sulked and Shizuo was about to put him in the bath when he noticed the other's ass was still leaking.

"Clean out your ass and get in the tub."

"But Shizu-chaan~ you filled it so you should empty it~" Fair enough. Izaya gasped as Shizuo proceeded to do just that, fingering and spreading his abused hole. Izaya gasped in pleasure and pain, his lower half coming to life. He rubbed up against Shizuo's washboard stomach as he was fingered, moaning and wriggling lewdly, pushing his ass down against Shizuo's long fingers.

"I'm cleaning you flea, stop fidgeting."

"Haa-ahh!- Shuzuuu~oooo~haa~" Shizuo rolled his eyes, was the flea a slut or something? Maybe he was a sex addict, one of those nymphimanic people? The thought of Izaya sleeping with someone else made his fingers move harder. Izaya almost screamed, rubbing harder on Shizuo and hugging him tightly.

"Sh-Shizuuu-chann! Haaa!"

"Fucking whore, can't you control yourself?" Izaya gasped and his body stilled, screaming silently as his body spasmed, cum spurting onto Shizuo's stomach. The noirette collapsed in his arms as Shizuo slipped his fingers out. They were gleaming with old cum, dry and fresh blood. Izaya sighed contently, clinging to Shizuo like a cuddly animal. Shizuo picked him up and put him in the water slowly, turning off the faucet and passing him the doll from the floor. Izaya made sure the robot stayed above water as he relaxed in the steam. Shizuo sat by the tub and began cleaning himself off, checking to make sure Izaya was still awake every minute before he too got into the water too.

Izaya moved over to him, cuddling up to him the moment he di.

"You're clingy flea."

"Shut up, least I'm clean now."

"’Cause I cleaned you."

"You dirtied me first." They stayed quiet after that, Izaya seeming to fall asleep again while Shizuo held him up so he didn't drown himself.

The baby made an odd whining noise and Izaya swore with a groan.

"Shit, it needs feeding." Izaya moaned annoyed and shoved his face into Shizuo's chest, but the blond got up without complaint, water dripping from them as he stepped out. He helped Izaya stand on shaky legs and lean against the wall while he quickly dried as the toy baby started to wail again.

Shizuo quickly dressed and took the noisy thing.

"Get dressed and come out." Izaya nodded and Shizuo left to feed the crying animated infant.

Once the door shut the noirette broke into a fit of giggles, resisting laughing insanely lest he be heard. Really this was far better than he could have planned.

He stood up straight as possible, getting used to the pain in his behind before he dried and dressed quickly, already adjusted and confident he wouldn't be limping too obviously for the rest of the day, though he would avoid sitting.

Shizuo wasn't in his room when he returned so the teen went downstairs, following Shizuo's low voice to the kitchen.

Shizuo and his family were all in the kitchen, Shizuo hurrying around while his mother held the toy doll and fed it. The clock on the wall showed they had little more than fifteen minutes till school started, and it would take around ten to get there at a slow pace. Izaya giggled at how Shizuo rushed around. The sound was more insane than he would have liked and the four in the kitchen turned. The baby cooed in response to its 'mother’s' evil laughter.

"Morning~" The teen said, 'skipping' in. Shizuo shoved a piece of toast into Izaya's mouth and grabbed his bag.

"We're going." Izaya chuckled and nodded, taking the toast out his mouth. Shizuo's mother passed him the fake child and waved them off. He'd burp it on the way there.

Izaya had no school bag, so he'd just have to scab off Shizuo throughout the day.

"I'll take 'Nomi' first half you take it second." Shizuo nodded as Izaya took another bite of the toast.

"You okay to walk?"

"Yep, sittings gonna be a bitch though. Did you eat?" He asked offering the toast up to Shizuo. Shizuo shook his head and took a bite of the bread.

"Hey, what 'r' we gettin' marked on?" Shizuo asked, his mouth full.

"Tut tut, manners Neanderthal. Well they check the sensors, to make sure it hasn't been thrown, dropped, hit, jolted, ect, and how much the nappy was changed on time, and the feeding and burping, then the recordings." Shizuo chocked as he swallowed and Izaya laughed.

"R-recording?! So they'll hear-?!" Izaya chuckled.

"No, all the recording is blurred to reserve privacy, but pitch, volume, and tone is recorded. Besides I'm going to wipe anything that goes over the limit so they won’t know a thing." Shizuo sighed in relief.

"How long we got it for?"

"A week, plenty of sleepovers, ne~?" Izaya grinned cheekily and Shizuo found himself oddly looking forward to the next few days.

They arrived in class three minutes before the bell. Only half the class was present even though there was only a few minutes left, and the students whom were there were trying desperately to hush screaming dolls. The fake baby in Izaya's arms giggled.

"Did you re-program it to be a sadist or something?" Izaya giggled at Shizuo's suggestion.

"Nup, it’s just already picking up some of our traits~"

"Will that lower our mark?"

"Nup~ You can’t grade a person on who they are." They sat and the bell went, all students hurrying to sit and many rushing into class late. Most had crying toys with them. Izaya grinned. How long he wondered till Shizuo cracked from all the noise?

  
  


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Shizuo did explode eventually, lasting a lot longer than Izaya anticipated. The sound of him yelling at the class to shut up their doll set off 'Nomi'. Izaya gave him the dirtiest look he could and passed him the wailing child, pointing to the corridor so he could go comfort the robot there. Shizuo walked out sheepishly and Izaya covered his mouth so he would be heard laughing like an asylum escapee.

Many people in the class, including the teacher, stared in shock as Shizuo wordlessly obeyed and carefully handled the child. Some even copied him, rocking the child and succeeding in shutting their own up.

Finally break time came and they both went up to the roof.

"Well that was interesting."

"Shut up flea and sit."

"I can't."

"You sat in class."

"I sat on my leg."

"Oh." Well know he knew why Izaya had looked kinda taller, but weirdly slanted. "Sit and eat flea." He patted his lap and Izaya grinned.

"Am I eating your lap or sitting on it? Personally I prefer the first choice~" Shizuo rolled his eyes as Izaya's impure suggestion and pulled him down onto him.

"Here, mum packet food for you." Izaya seemed surprised a moment before he smiled.

"Aww! She likes me~"

"She knows you're evil though."

"Technically I'm not evil I just have... interesting hobbies."

"Ah-huh."

"I simply have more unheard of interests, like my beloved humans-" Before Izaya could say anything more Shizuo shoved a piece of sushi in his mouth.

"Eat flea. Both of you." Izaya complied, leaning back into Shizuo's arms and letting the beast feed him. Once the baby was fed Izaya burped it and swayed the doll to sleep. Really Izaya's parenting skills deserved an A++. Anyone would have been set if they partnered with him.

"Oi flea, how come you didn't get a partner before we were paired up?" Izaya giggled.

"You haven't figured it out?"

"To piss me off and make my family think I'm gay." Izaya giggled again.

"So close, you're right that I planned being partnered with you, and I did want to make your family think you're gay~" Izaya grinned and turned around to face Shizuo, still sitting on his lap and holding the doll. "But I also wanted to turn you gay for me~ though I'll admit I never thought you'd actually fall for me so quickly! It's a great game!" Shizuo frowned.

"Freak." Izaya grinned and leaned closer.

"You know you love me." Izaya kissed him softly and Shizuo kissed back. It wasn't hot and violent like the night before, but soft and sweet mixed with the taste of homemade sushi. Izaya moaned and rubbed against him as they kissed, making the kiss hotter. Shizuo pulled away and growled.

"Seriously flea can't you go a few fucking hours without sex you whore!?"

"Shizu-chan~"

"How the fuck do you even get partners, all you ever want is sex!"

"Shizu-chan-"

"Don't fucking tell me I don't want to know but if you even fucking think about going off to someone else for sex flea I will kill you and them, and-!"

" **Shizuo**!" Izaya clasped his hand over the hysterical blonde's mouth. "Calm down, I'm not a literal whore, I don't sleep around."

"Oh yeah? How many you slept with including me?" Shizuo glared at Izaya who looked down and mumbled something.

"Don't mumble louse, I won’t hurt you too much." It was supposed to be a threat but Izaya giggled and the mood seemed to lighten.

"I've only ever had real sex with you, anyone else was just playing around, just touching, fingering and oral, no biggy."

"How is that no biggy?!" Izaya rolled his eyes. Figures Shizuo was a virgin.

Izaya sighed and cuddled closer.

"M' tired."

"Then sleep."

"May s' well. When my sisters were really little I slept whenever they slept or I'd never get any sleep." Shizuo didn't reply, the flea was just running his mouth anyway, hopefully he'd talk himself to sleep.

"Shizuo-kun!" Shinra waved and walked over to where the two were sitting. Izaya groaned. "Um, who's that in your lap Shizuo? Got a girlfriend?!"

"Sort of." He replied nonchalantly. Izaya turned to smile at Shinra, who froze.

"Hi."

"I-Izaya-kun?!"

"What?" Izaya asked innocently. Shinra sat, or rather his leg gave out and he was forced to.

"U-um, h-how? What? When? I mean this is great you’re getting along but, I mean, um, what?" Izaya chuckled.

"Last night, Shizu-chan's bed." Shizuo was unfazed by the sharing of information, while Shinra sat with his mouth gaping.

"What did you call your automated baby Shinra?"

"A-ah, yes, I named it Babytron! Though my darling Celty found the name rather odd sadly and refuses to call it so!"

"Where is it?" Shizuo questioned.

"Ahh, I left it with my darling Celty with caring instructions! I think it's important she learn to care for a baby if I am to have children with her someday! Which I shall!" Izaya rolled his eyes. His friend’s fixation for that headless rider was rather disgusting, but intriguing also. The rider herself was the most interesting thing by far.

"Oh yeah, Shinra that reminds me I wanted to ask what the chances of Izaya getting pregnant from 'what happened' are?" Izaya and Shinra looked at him in shock. "What? I'm just worried, it's not like we used protection or anything." Izaya looked to Shinra with his mouth still hanging.

"Izaya I told you to always make sure you use a contraceptive for hygienic reasons!" The determined-to-be-a-doctor-in-the-future teen scolded.

"Can we please get back to the fact Shizuo thinks I could be impregnated?!"

"Oh yes, well you see-" Shinra started before Shizuo's angry voice interrupted him.

"What, you insulting me flea? I'm not good enough for you to have a kid with?!" Izaya face-palmed in disbelief.

"No you protozoan-"

"You think I'm too stupid to get you pregnant or something!?" Izaya burst into laughter. "Oh yeah!? Well guess what! I'll get you pregnant! Sooner or later I will!"

"U-um, Shizuo-"

"HAHAHAHAHA!!!! S-Shizu-chan-HAHA! Never payed attention- HAHA! During health class!!!" Izaya laughed so hard he fell right off Shizuo's lap in tears.

"I'll get you fucking pregnant louse you'll see! I know how!" He quickly leaned over to Shinra and whispered "How do I do that?"

"Don't worry, I'm sure I can sort something out for you." Shinra said, grinning evilly.

Izaya sat up, still giggling.

"Good luck with that Shizu-chan, so my place after school for baby making or yours?" He teased. Shizuo frowned and jumped him. "Ahh! Ha! Shizu-mnmm! Ha! Shinra's right ther-! mnnnhnmmnmn!!" Shizuo attacked Izaya's lips and began ripping off his jacket, while Shinra carefully took their baby from the floor and backed away.

"W-well, I'm just going to babysit a while for you, I'll be in the library!" He hurried away as Izaya cried out lewdly due to Shizuo's hands invaded his pants.

"I'll get you pregnant yet louse!"

  
  


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Baby Care Course Results-

Sensors- 98%  
Feeding- 97.2%  
Hygiene- 99%  
Recording- 59.6%

Overall mark- A

Comment- No problems were found with your assignment till the recordings were relayed. There was a dangerously high amount of loud sound for the child's delicate ears on a daily basis. Also, the principle would like to speak with you both about appropriate activities on school grounds after sampling the recordings.

  
  


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"Shit, I forgot to wipe the speakers!"

 

**Author's Note:**

> Haha Izaya you ditz we love you. Btw they are both 16/17 so its not underage. Hope you liked :) REMEMBER TO KUDOS MY PRETTIES!


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